My Very Own Fairy Godmother

And they lived happily ever after.

Don't you wish you could be within the happy ending tales; won't it be so freaking cool to meet the prince of your life and grab those kind of happiness in your hands?

I definitely do, I keep on wondering when will these things turn 180 degrees.

At certain times, it is so boring to be ordinary and normal; not the kind of life I wish to live in. I'm not really happy; I am dissapointed of myself for being not good, awesome, special, confident and happy enough. Everyday I give hate on my self for not being outstanding at every aspects I try; the academic grades at campus, my writings, my drawings, my friendship life, my love life..

You know, you listen to those common encouraging messages every time; be yourself, self-acceptance is important, stop pleasing others, and blah blah blah.

Easier said than done.

I know those are right, very truthful. I should do that, I'm learning to do that, I have to do that. Accepting yourself just the way you are is very hard to be done; and one of those external factors causing it because you keep on thinking how people are much, much better than you.

Every smile I give when people tell me about how successful and talented they are is actually a needle destroying my heart more.

I won't deny that I keep feeling jealousy in my heart every time someone praised anyone but me; and the 'devil' within me starts smirking every time those negative thoughts attack.

This time and this moment, I decided to rule my self from being a ferocious monster killing people within my imagination. It's self torture, and it just give me more dose of jealousy. Being jealous is just a waste of energy; it hurts me more and prevent me from stepping ahead.

No one can control me but myself.

I have to be my own fairy godmother, climbing myself out of the deep hole inside and turn that dark side into a very bright one. I have to release the more mature side of me to help myself.

I need myself to remind me that it's okay. It really is okay.

It doesn't matter whether you get a C for every subjects; it's okay if no one wants you because of your lack of skills. It's okay, you will find people way better everywhere and it's okay to give those attempts to be better.

Don't forget that it is not okay to lie to yourself. Remember to look downwards; there is 'worse' below 'bad'. Start everyday thanking God for being able to see yourself now as a living, thinking human; it's okay to be a human who needs to learn from it's mistakes.

It's okay and it's also not okay, don't forget that.

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